Hope for the Year

We are in the midst of a new season for our family. Two girls in elementary school. Baylie started kindergarten this year. Addie is in 2nd grade. This year for Baylie comes homework and reading and all those things taught in kindergarten. I have to honestly say I'm not sure what all we will do this year. The thing is, you would think we would be pros at kindergarten. We already had a kiddo there once, right?

The thing is, Addie's kindergarten and 1st grade years looked very different then a "typical" child's. Addie is pulled out into the Special Ed class for her core classes. They take their time, let her learn at her pace, help push her where she IS and not where she is suppose to be. Because the work on her age level is just not obtainable for her just yet. I am so, so thankful for her teachers and the friendships she has formed in the Special Ed class and also for the friendships in the regular room. I am thankful we are in a small school where she has been able to be in the regular classroom more then we ever thought possible.

BUT.

Today. My mommy heart shattered all over again but was filled with hope and joy all at the same time. It's funny how the two can happen at once. You see, this year Addie is starting spelling words! This is huge for us, for her. This girl of mine has come a LONG way the past few years. She is talking more and learning more but we still have a road ahead of us. As I sat down at the counter to go over her first set of spelling words, Baylie sat down with us to. She wanted to try to do school work with her sister. (They both love to write and learn and read and do worksheets, which is a huge blessing). As I started going over the words with them, Baylie started writing them out CORRECTLY! I was and am SO proud of her. But in the same moment, I look over at her sister, that is 2 years older, and she is just shutting down. She can't do it as FAST as Baylie. It takes her a second to process. It doesn't come as easy. BUT she DOES it! I am SO proud of her. So proud that she is learning sounds and that she is finally able to write all of her letters and that she is getting things. And able to do spelling words this year. But that moment. The moment when she looked sad and frustrated, it shattered me.

Glen and I have talked about it a thousand times. It is so hard for US to see her struggle. I'm not sure that anyone that hasn't walked in the shoes of a parent of a child with special needs can understand just how hard it can be on the parents. To know that we can't take this away is hard some days.  We can only encourage and love and build her up. To do everything we can to set her up for the best possible future. And most importantly know that we have to put her in God's hands. To know that He has a plan for her life, plans to prosper her and not to harm her, plans for hope and a future. Glen and I are such planners and doers and fixers. And for that to not be possible in this situation is teaching us to trust God so much more then we ever have for anything.

My prayer this year is for ME not to get discouraged. I know how I am. Its something I struggle with and where I'm weak. I'm a worrier by nature. And I had been doing SO well with not worrying and being encouraged by the progress she has made. But today, watching her younger sister do something so easily while she struggled, it was just HARD.  I can't compare them to each other though, I know. My girls are all special and unique and all have their strength and weaknesses. I hold on to the hope I have in Jesus, that one day my girl will have no signs of her struggles.